The sermon on the mouth using words that build, break, and bless

My wife Killy is radiant, elegant and ageing with such effortless grace that even time seems too polite to touch her.

Recently, we were in a café when a wide-eyed waitress approached her and asked, "Excuse me . . . are you a famous actress?"

Killy smiled. And our daughter-in-law said, "Yes!"

A few days later, we asked someone for directions. The woman looked at Killy and said, "When’s the baby due?"

People say the most astonishing things.

Killy didn’t miss a beat. With the poise of an actress and the timing of a comedian she replied, "Ah yes, that’s a food baby. Due any minute. We’ve named it . . . Moussaka." She added, "At 63, a pregnancy would make global news."

We laughed. People say the most astonishing things.

Some words build you up. Some trip you up. Others shove you down a flight of emotional stairs without warning or handrails.

And I’m not immune either! Here are eight actual things people have said to me:

1. "How did you get her?" (How did l get to marry Killy.)
   Translation: You’re punching above your weight.
   Implication: You don’t deserve her.
2. "You’ve done well for yourself."
   Translation: I’m surprised.
   Implication: Didn’t think you would accomplish much.
3. "You’ve aged well . . . considering."
   Translation: You’re old, but not terribly old-looking.
   Implication: You were expected to look old.
4. "You clean up well!"
   Translation: You usually look a mess.
   Implication: This is an improvement.
5. "You’re brave wearing that."
   Translation: I would never wear that.
   Implication: It doesn’t suit you.
6. "You look tired."
   Translation: You look awful.
   Implication: You look worse than usual.
7. "You’re so down to earth . . . for someone like you."
   Translation: I expected arrogance.
   Implication: People like you are usually full of themselves.
8. "I didn’t expect you to be funny!"
   Translation: You looked too boring to be engaging.
   Implication: Low expectations.

The power of the mouth

Let’s be honest, the mouth is powerful. It can bless or bruise, heal or hurt, build or break, and all in a single breath.

Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) says, "The tongue has the power of life and death." Words don’t disappear, they lodge. They shape memories, frame identity, and echo long after the sentence ends. So how should we use this remarkable muscle behind our teeth? I think our words fall into three categories:

1. Words that build

Words that build aren’t just kind, they’re constructive.

Proverbs 12:25 (NIV 1984) says, "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."

Words that build aren’t just kind, they’re constructive. They don’t just flatter, they fortify.
"You matter."
"I’m proud of you."
"You’ve got what it takes."
Jesus often spoke building words. To the woman caught in adultery he said, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more" (John 8:11 NKJV). Grace and challenge in the same breath.

A kind word might take seconds to say, but it can echo in someone’s soul for years.

Encouragement is like spiritual scaffolding; it helps people stand taller.

2. Words that break

James 3:8 calls the tongue "a restless evil, full of deadly poison" (NIV). One sentence can shake someone’s confidence. One sarcastic jab can ripple for decades. And that old line, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me"? That’s not a nursery rhyme. That’s a nursery crime!

Words do harm. They replay at 3 a.m. They echo in the background of our minds, long after the speaker has forgotten.

Use your words to build bridges, not burn them.

Some people say, "I was only joking," but humour without kindness is just cruelty. That’s why Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up." If our words don’t lift, they shouldn’t leave our lips.

Don’t weaponize your wit. Use your words to build bridges, not burn them.

3. Words that bless

Colossians 4:6 (NIV) says, "Let your conversation be always full of grace." Blessing isn’t just for ministers and weddings. It’s the ability to inject hope, truth and kindness into a sentence.

Jesus didn’t just teach truth, he blessed people: "Peace be with you." And we can do it, too:
"God sees you."
"You’re not forgotten."
"I’m praying for you."
"You matter.’"
In a world full of noise, sarcasm and cynicism, be someone who speaks blessing.

Your mouth is the microphone. Your heart is the playlist.

Luke 6:45 (BSB) says, "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."

Translation: Your mouth is the microphone. Your heart is the playlist.

If we want better words, we start with a cleaner heart.

The sermon summary

Let’s . . .

• Build up
• Refuse to break down others
• Choose to bless at every opportunity

Because when we live the "Sermon on the Mouth" we don’t just sound more polite; we sound more like Jesus.

Prayer

Lord, you created galaxies with a word and comforted hearts with a whisper. Forgive me for careless comments, sarcastic stabs, and the times I stayed silent when I should have spoken life. Change my heart and let my mouth follow. May my words be kind and Christ-like.

Help me build, not break; bless, not bruise. Make me a mouthpiece of your grace, love and truth in a world hungry for faith, hope and love. Amen.

May the Lord bless you with his peace, around the clock and around the compass.

Originally published by Philo Trust. Republished with permission.

J.John is an evangelist, minister, speaker, broadcaster and writer. He has been in ministry for four decades. He has spoken in towns, cities and universities in 69 countries, establishing Philo Trust in 1982 to organize his various evangelistic ministry offerings. J.John’s weekly podcast, The J.John Podcast, features a range of interviews with Christians from all walks of life and talks by J.John. Click here to listen. J.John’s books are available to order via jjohn.com or through other online or physical bookshops.