I like to remind the (inevitably busy) couples I talk with during the Christmas and holiday season of one simple but important fact of Jesus’ birth: nobody made room for him.
He was laid in a manger, not because farm animals make for fun nativity plays and interesting carols, but because nobody took the time to make room for a woman in labor and her newborn child.
Making room for Jesus during the Christmas season is the most important thing we can do.
Making room for Jesus during the Christmas season is the most important thing we can do. The holiday season can be consumed by stuff: gift buying, parties, cooking, decorating, travel, work. None of these things are intrinsically bad. They just aren’t meant to satisfy your soul. Our inner margin during the holiday season often leaves little room for a visitor.
But making room for Christ in our hearts, souls, and marriages is an essential part of Advent—and, in fact, of long-term marriage success.
First, take time to slow down.
Move in alignment with the pace at which we were created to live.
When we slow down enough to breathe deeply, remember who we are, and stay connected to our spouse, we move in alignment with the pace at which we were created to live.
An exercise I love to practice with couples uses Isaiah 9:6 as the basis for joint reflection. I ask both spouses to consider just a few of the many names Isaiah gives us in reference to God: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Then I ask them, individually and together: Who is God to you? Who is he to you in this season? How is he acting in your marriage?
I ask them to choose one of the names God is given in that passage. And I’d encourage anyone seeking to make more room in their lives for God to reflect on how he has invited you to relate to him.
What does it mean to find peace? What does it mean to receive wonderful counsel? What does it mean to embrace an everlasting and perfectly loving father?
Zooming in with reflective questions helps couples slow down and name what God is doing in them versus getting stuck focusing on what’s happening to them during the holidays.
Secondly, when you act, act together.
Build shared traditions.
An easy way to start doing this is to build shared traditions. The key word here is shared.
Sometimes I assume the tradition I had as a kid is the one my wife will want to adopt. Spoiler: that’s not always the case! But here’s the beautiful part—we get to craft fresh traditions straight from our hearts, blending our unique “us-ness” into something special.
Take our family cookie decorating extravaganza at Christmas. We whip up that sweet sugar dough, gather a rainbow of icings, sprinkles galore, and all the fun toppings. It’s a glorious mess but the joy and delight it brings our family makes it unforgettable.
It’s also important to remember during family get-togethers that you and your spouse are a team. My wife and I have found we have to be honest about our emotional limits and the cost associated with what we do.
By day five of Christmas visiting we will put in a “day for the family.” Mid-way through, we reset together, just my wife and kids. That helps all of us maintain peace, unity, and intentionality.
Thirdly—and most importantly—strive to actively center your marriage around Jesus.
Focus on Jesus, especially if things get challenging. The holidays have a way of stirring up pain points within marriages, making it vital to stay connected to the truth of who you are and who your spouse is.
Spiritual intimacy with God is one of the most essential parts of sustaining a marriage.
Horizontal relationships like marriages can only be sustained vertically, through each spouse’s relationship with Christ. Spiritual intimacy with God is one of the most essential parts of sustaining a marriage, at any time of the year.
Be attentive to feelings of loneliness, frustration or impatience. They are windows of invitation from the Lord. What does God want to say to you, about you through those feelings?
When your spouse experiences their own pain, listen with care and guide them toward God before you have further conversation. His invitations never drive us but draw us in with love.
Make some time this Christmas to be drawn in. Drawn in to your spouse, in to God’s love, and in to peace and stillness.
Make space in your marriage and in your heart for Jesus. It won’t just tame your holiday season—it will profoundly enrich your life, both personally and as a couple.
David Jauregui joined the WinShape Marriage team in 2019 to utilize his passion for spiritual formation and soul care in the context of marriage, where he currently serves as the Assistant Director of Renewal. He has been married to his wife, Holly, since 2012, and they have two bundles of joy, Lincoln and Sage. He received a Master of Arts in Spiritual Formation and Soul Care through Talbot Theological Seminary and is a trained spiritual director
