Churches that want to respond faithfully to the hidden crisis of pornography must not only offer immediate support but also cultivate long-term healing communities marked by grace and discipleship, according to Sam Black, Director of Life Change Education at Covenant Eyes and author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It.
In the final part of his three-part interview series with Christian Daily International, Black emphasized that recovery from pornography is not simply a matter of individual willpower or one-time accountability, but a process that requires a culture shift in congregations.
“Pornography is not just a personal problem,” Black said. “It affects marriages, families, leadership, and ultimately the spiritual health of the entire church. Healing comes when people no longer feel isolated and ashamed, but discover that grace is bigger than their failures.”
Beyond programs to a healing culture
While many churches have launched small groups or offered resources, Black cautioned that programs alone are insufficient. What makes the difference, he said, is when congregations intentionally create a healing culture where honesty is welcomed and discipleship is ongoing.
“Programs can be very helpful,” he explained, “but what sustains change is a church that understands healing is not a box you check—it is discipleship. If churches only respond with quick fixes, people relapse, leaders burn out, and shame deepens. But if they create a culture of walking together in grace, lives are transformed.”
That culture, Black argued, is rooted in the gospel itself. “The good news is that we are not saved because we have our lives together,” he said. “We are saved by Christ who meets us in our brokenness. When churches embody that message, they stop hiding issues like pornography and start addressing them with truth and hope.”
Grace and accountability
One of the tensions churches face is balancing accountability with grace. Black acknowledged that accountability is vital, but insisted it must always be framed by the assurance of God’s love.
“Accountability without grace quickly turns into legalism, and people will hide again,” he said. “But grace without accountability can become cheap grace, where nothing really changes. The church must offer both: the safety of unconditional love, and the call to grow in holiness together.”
For pastors and leaders, this means modeling vulnerability and creating safe places where people can confess without fear of condemnation. Black urged leaders to break the silence themselves.
“When a pastor says from the pulpit, ‘I know pornography is an issue in our community, and we’re here to walk with you,’ it signals to people that they don’t have to fight alone,” he said. “It is leadership by example that changes the atmosphere.”
Families and the next generation
Black stressed that the conversation cannot be limited to adults. With pornography increasingly accessible to children through smartphones, the stakes are higher for the next generation.
“Most parents are shocked when they discover how early children are exposed,” he said. “The average age of first exposure is around 11, sometimes younger. If the church is silent, culture will disciple our kids about sex, and the messages will be toxic.”
Churches, he argued, must become proactive in equipping parents to talk with their children and teens about sexuality from a biblical perspective. That includes both protective measures—such as accountability software and open conversations about internet use—and a positive vision of God’s design for sexuality.
“We can’t just say, ‘Don’t look at pornography,’” Black explained. “We must offer a compelling alternative: God’s beautiful design for intimacy, covenant love in marriage, and respect for one another as image-bearers of God. When young people see that vision, they understand why pornography is counterfeit.”
Teaching young children to respond when they see something harmful
Black devoted particular attention to how parents can prepare even young children for the reality that they may encounter inappropriate material online. He said the goal is not to instill fear, but to equip them with both language and confidence to respond wisely.
“Parents often wait too long, thinking they will talk about pornography when their child is a teenager,” he said. “But the truth is, children are encountering explicit material far earlier. If we wait, the first messages they receive will come from peers or the internet itself.”
Instead, Black recommended simple, age-appropriate conversations that begin in early childhood. He suggested giving children a framework that helps them recognize when something is harmful and an action plan for what to do next.
“One of the best tools parents can give a child is a clear script,” he said. “Tell them, ‘If you ever see a picture or video of people without clothes, or doing things that don’t feel right, I want you to come and tell me right away. You will not be in trouble. You will not be shamed. I will be proud of you for telling me.’”
By framing the conversation around trust and safety, parents reassure children that they will not be punished for exposure that is usually accidental. “When a child hears in advance that mom or dad is a safe person to talk to, they are far more likely to come forward instead of hiding,” he said.
Black often uses what he calls the “three-step plan” for young children:
- Turn away immediately from the harmful image or video.
- Tell a parent or trusted adult right away.
- Talk it through together so the child understands what they saw and why it was harmful.
“This approach gives children both agency and reassurance,” he said. “They know they can act quickly, and they know they will not carry the burden alone.”
Building open communication
Black also emphasized that the way parents respond when a child comes forward is critical. An angry or fearful reaction may unintentionally drive the child back into secrecy.
“If a child comes to you and says, ‘I saw something bad on the iPad,’ and your first response is to grab the device and scold them, they will think twice before ever coming again,” he explained. “But if your first response is, ‘Thank you for telling me. I am so proud of you,’ you reinforce that honesty is safe.”
Parents, he suggested, can then gently explain why the content was harmful, using age-appropriate language and pointing back to God’s design for love, respect, and intimacy. Over time, these conversations lay a foundation for deeper discussions about sexuality and discipleship.
“Children need to know from the earliest age that God made their bodies good, that sexuality is beautiful in His design, and that pornography is a counterfeit that distorts those truths,” Black said. “When they understand that, they are not just avoiding something bad—they are saying yes to something better.”
The role of churches in equipping parents
Black called on churches to make these conversations a regular part of discipleship for families. He suggested workshops, parenting classes, and integration into children’s and youth ministries.
“The church has a vital role in equipping parents,” he said. “Many parents want to help their children, but they don’t know how. If the church comes alongside them with resources, teaching, and encouragement, families can be proactive instead of reactive.”
He noted that some churches have successfully created “safe eyes, safe hearts” programs that teach children and parents together how to respond to harmful media, blending biblical teaching with practical tools. “When parents and children hear the same message together, it strengthens trust and opens the door for ongoing dialogue,” he said.
Black warned, however, that silence from the church leaves children vulnerable. “If the church doesn’t speak, kids will learn about sex from pornography and peers. We cannot afford to be silent. We must lead the way in telling a better story.”
The impact on marriages
Marriages, too, bear the brunt of pornography’s destructive effects. Black said that spouses often feel betrayed, ashamed, or inadequate when they discover their partner’s struggle. Healing requires a pastoral approach that cares for both the person struggling and their spouse.
“A wife who discovers her husband’s pornography use may experience trauma similar to betrayal or infidelity,” Black said. “The church must be prepared to minister to both, offering counseling, prayer, and support that rebuilds trust.”
But even marriages marked by deep wounds can find restoration, he noted. “I’ve seen couples who thought their marriage was over find new intimacy and joy because they confronted the issue together and rediscovered God’s grace.”
Training leaders and volunteers
For healing to be sustained, Black said churches need to invest in training leaders and volunteers who can walk alongside individuals for the long term. Without adequate preparation, helpers may unintentionally cause harm.
“It’s not enough to have good intentions,” he explained. “People need training to understand trauma, addiction cycles, and how to respond with both truth and compassion. Otherwise, we risk deepening shame or giving shallow advice.”
He encouraged churches to partner with ministries and organizations that provide resources, training, and accountability tools. “We are not alone in this. There are networks of people who have been working in this field for years, and churches can benefit greatly by drawing on their expertise.”
Moving from reactive to proactive
A recurring theme in Black’s vision is the shift from reacting to crises to proactively shaping a healthier church culture. Too often, he said, churches wait until a scandal erupts—whether a leader caught in pornography or a marriage breaking down—before addressing the issue.
“By then, the damage is done,” he said. “The better path is to normalize conversations about sexuality, grace, and discipleship long before crisis hits. When people see the church as a safe place to bring their struggles, healing can start early.”
This proactive stance also helps churches maintain integrity in leadership. “We cannot afford to wait until a pastor is disqualified by hidden sin,” he said. “Churches that proactively care for their leaders and create accountability systems are protecting the witness of the gospel itself.”
A vision for the future
Looking ahead, Black expressed cautious optimism that more churches are waking up to the seriousness of the pornography epidemic. He cited growing interest in resources, seminars, and training as signs of progress.
“What encourages me is that I hear from pastors across denominations who say, ‘We can’t be silent anymore,’” he said. “They recognize that pornography is discipling people more than the church is, and they want to reverse that trend.”
He envisions a future in which churches are known not for judgment but for healing. “Imagine if the church became the first place people thought of when they wanted freedom from pornography,” Black said. “Imagine if people said, ‘I know I’ll find help and hope there.’ That would be a powerful witness to the world.”
The gospel at the center
At the heart of Black’s message is the conviction that only the gospel can provide lasting freedom. Programs, accountability, and counseling are vital, but they must all be grounded in the grace of Jesus Christ.
“Pornography promises intimacy but delivers isolation. The gospel promises forgiveness and delivers real community,” he said. “When churches point people to Christ, they discover not only freedom from pornography but also a deeper joy in Him.”
Black urged churches not to underestimate the spiritual battle involved. “This is not just about brain science or behavior modification,” he said. “It is about spiritual warfare, identity, and faith. We are called to point people to Christ who makes all things new.”
Final reflections
As the conversation concluded, Black returned to his central theme: the need for churches to be places of healing rather than hiding.
“The healing church is not perfect,” he said. “It is a community that admits its need for grace, walks together in discipleship, and points each other to Jesus. When that happens, people who once felt trapped in pornography can experience freedom, families can be restored, and the church can shine as a beacon of hope.”
For congregations wrestling with where to begin, Black recommended starting with honest conversations and small steps. “Don’t wait for the perfect program or the perfect moment,” he said. “Begin by saying, ‘This is a safe place to bring your struggle.’ That simple statement, backed up by action, can open the door to transformation.”
In his book and in his ministry, Black continues to call churches to confront the challenge with courage, compassion, and conviction. The goal, he said, is not just to fight pornography but to embody the healing power of the gospel.
“When churches live out that calling,” he concluded, “they not only set people free from pornography—they reveal the love of Christ to a hurting world.”
