"Nobody cares. Work harder. The only easy day was yesterday. Adapt and overcome. Get comfortable being uncomfortable." were just a few of the things I heard in the US military as a young service member. Phrases like these, and others that were even harsher, were meant to build mental strength and forge character.
For those of us who served... there exists a common bond few will ever experience.
For those of us who served, especially in combat environments, there exists a common bond few will ever experience and even fewer will truly understand. Yet, like all good things, this bond comes with challenges. You may know these challenges. In fact, you may face them daily.
My prayer this Veterans Day (USA) / Remembrance Day (UK Commonwealth) is that as you read this, you will recognize that, while your story is unique, it is also deeply connected to the stories of many others who have served. I know this because I’ve lived it.
I had just returned from a twelve-month deployment that extended to fifteen months. We started at a typical deployment location, redeployed to Guam for gear reissue, then to Kuwait, and finally to Iraq. It was difficult being away, but it was the commitment I had made.
For my spouse, (deployment) felt like rejection, isolation, and unmet expectations.
What I did not expect was that immediately upon returning, I would transfer to a new command and deploy straight to Afghanistan. For me, it was part of the job. For my spouse, it felt like rejection, isolation, and unmet expectations.
Across twelve deployments, seven of which were combat tours, I experienced firsthand the toll military service takes on both service members and their families. I dropped off a fellow soldier at his home only for him to discover that his house had been sold and his spouse had left him.
I picked up service members both from jail and the hospital after self-destructive episodes. And then there were the dreaded late-night calls from fellow veterans, reaching out as a final plea for help as they struggled with the weight of their last deployment.
Suicide is the second leading cause of death for veterans under age forty-five.
Although many of these stories ended positively, they serve as ongoing reminders that, according to the Veteran's Affairs' 2024 National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report, suicide is the second leading cause of death for veterans under age forty-five. Sadly, I have felt the grief of losing brothers and sisters who became part of that statistic.
These situations took a toll on my own family as well. I often had to leave during dinner, get up in the middle of the night, or excuse myself during a heated discussion with my wife to answer a call. Sometimes these interruptions lasted hours—hours taken from the limited time I had with my family between deployments.
I experienced deeply trying times.
Thankfully, I was raised with a strong Christian faith (though many people may not have known). The steady awareness of God’s truth sustained me in the still, quiet moments. The Bible tells us, “Be strong and courageous… for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9 ESV). However, even with that foundation, I experienced deeply trying times.
I have become increasingly aware that life after service is tough, especially for veterans living with the disabling effects of their service. Stepping into post-military life is like entering a different world. It is quieter, slower, and often lonelier than life in uniform. It is often in this new quiet that darkness tries to creep in. We must be cautious because our “enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion” (1 Peter 5:8).
I strongly encourage involvement in a Christian faith community.
This is why I strongly encourage involvement in a Christian faith community. As my grandfather used to say, “People need good community. Without it, they will find bad community, because bad community is still better than no community.”
A good faith community can provide a place of belonging, but finding one is your responsibility. It will not find you as you’re lying on your couch, hiding away, or waiting for life to change on its own.
Each year I volunteer at our Joni and Friends Warrior Getaways. As an international disability ministry, we come alongside veterans with disabilities and their families. There I meet many who carry visible or invisible wounds from military service. We share fellowship, worship, connection, prayer, laughter, and time in scripture.
Family members... as caregivers to their veteran.
What surprises me each year is how often spouses and children introduce themselves not simply as family members but as caregivers to their veteran. Despite the weight they carry, these families only want the best for their loved one.
Many of them all but dragged their veteran to the event because that veteran had settled into sorrow, anger, numbness, or withdrawal, and someone at home refused to let them stay there, stuck in the mire.
What I enjoy most about the Warrior Getaway community and the veteran groups at my church is seeing how veterans change. Those who once called me in despair, and even those who arrived reluctantly, begin to shed feelings of rejection, isolation, and depression as they find a community that encourages growth and offers hope.
A renewed sense of purpose and a calling to serve others.
One of the greatest healings Jesus brings to struggling veterans is a renewed sense of purpose and a calling to serve others. “For we are his workmanship, created… for good works” (Ephesians 2:10 ESV).
This is what all of us are wired for and why many of us joined the military in the first place. So, get comfortable being uncomfortable. Lean back on those hard phrases you heard in the service, not to harden your heart but to drive you to become the person God created you to be.
You are not walking this path alone.
If you have served, or even if you're struggling for other reasons, remember this: You are not walking this path alone. Even when the load feels heavy and the road isolating, you are not on your own. Veterans and military families everywhere face struggles like yours. They fight unseen battles every day.
Take real steps toward the strength and freedom that Christ wants you to have.
God desires to bring freedom to your heart, clarity to your mind, and peace to your soul. As you learn God’s truth, lean into community. There, you’ll discover a renewed sense of purpose as you take real steps toward the strength and freedom that Christ wants you to have.
To our brothers and sisters who have carried the weight of service and the scars that came with it, this day or remembrance is for you. We are men and women who know the road you walk, who know what it feels like to come home different. We know what it is to bear wounds, both seen and unseen. We know the long nights, the unanswered questions, and the quiet hope that God has not forgotten us.
Join a community of Christian veterans on a journey toward healing in Christ.
On this commemorative day, I invite you to join a community of Christian veterans on a journey toward healing in Christ. This is not healing that ignores the past; it is healing that will meet you exactly where you are. Scripture teaches that God strengthens the hearts of those who face adversity with courage. “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me” (Psalm 28:7).
The veterans I serve alongside have lived that truth. They have seen God show up in moments of loneliness, fear, guilt, and suffering, and they have learned that his presence is steady even when their strength is not. I do not say this from a distance but from the trenches of experience.
God... knows you, values you, and loves you deeply.
Our prayer is that this Veterans/Remembrance Day, God will speak to your heart, strengthen your spirit, and remind you that he knows you, values you, and loves you deeply. You served with courage, and the same God who carried you then will carry you now. May these words be a companion along the way and a reminder that healing is possible in Christ.
Jason Holden is the Chief Operating Officer at Joni and Friends and a former Command Master Chief, U.S. Navy (now retired).
